Nowt But Hellmans

ungrateful bastard

2006-03-03T15:31:00.000Z

Last night, we heard an unfamiliar squeak. So I (yes just me, the other one is a wuss) walked into the bathroom, (where our cat knows to go if bringing home live food - clever isn't he?!) and there was Nutmeg with a large mouse. It was very large. I was very impressed. But then I realised that Nutmeg was actually a little wary of it. So I told the other one to come and have a look because I thought it was funny that the cat was scared of it's dinner. So she warily came to look and promptly ran away screaming 'That's no mouse, that's a rat' Huh. Who knew?

Well, I don't know much about rats. I didn't know they bit things. I got Nutmeg out of the bathroom though because by this point he was jumping every couple of seconds because he was being bullied by this rat. I was now equipped with heavy duty garden gloves and lots of plastic bags. I admit to thinking that this was all a bit unnecessary but I went about trying to catch the bugger nevertheless. (On my own I'll hasten to add - the other one was on the other side of the door telling me to keep my gloves on. As I said, wuss.)

They jump high don't they? He tried to bite me and a few times he nearly succeeded in biting off my face. He did bite my hand once but naturally he didn't get past the gloves. Which was good. So then I tried a different tactic and tried to get him to go into the plastic bags. He wouldn't, but then I put one over the one he was sitting on and he burrowed into it - and I grabbed and held on. Hard bit over. Went to the front door, emptied the bag and thought that he would be grateful for being rescued and scamper away. Nope. He came back for more. He tried to bite me again and then he started going for my feet. So I escaped back into the house and retreated to the nearest corner to have a nervous breakdown.

So I'm asking please, if anyone knows that piper's mobile number I'd be eternally grateful, just incase another one makes it's way into the house.

Who nicked our gate?

2006-02-20T16:22:00.000Z

Somebody stole our gate.

It wasn't a particularly nice gate, but it tidied up the fence and path and such, and it pulled the house together quite nicely. Who the hell would want to steal a gate? It wasn't even a nice gate. It was bright orange (well it was the nasty cheap varnished beech wood you can get) and very bog standard.

We have our ideas, it was either somebody collecting trophies like you do with traffic cones and the like, or some cheapskate who needed a gate or his sorry ass would get kicked by the missus.

Who knows.

Adam Rickett is a nob

2006-02-03T16:39:00.000Z

Did anyone else watch question time last night? Oh it was a hoot! For a start it was in Wales. This isn't funny in itself of course, but the fact that most of the people there spoke with English accents was. But anyway back to the point.

Adam Rickett was part of the panel. Who I hear you ask is he? He's the twit who plays Sarah's big brother in Corrie that's who he is. What the hell was he doing on question time? Also, he needs to get a suit that fits him because he was drowning in his. He looked like those dudes at the end of Beetlejuice whose heads had shrunk.

So back to the point again....Rhodri Morgan was talking and going off on his own tangent about Rwanda (saying that what happened would happen over here because of the BNP dude getting let off) and Adam Rickett interrupted him and said: (Are you ready now?!) 'Yes but this isn't about the Hutsies and Tutsies or whatever you called them..'

Would you like to reread that incredible sentance? I couldn't believe my ears. First off I was shocked and outraged (ok so I'm exaggerating a bit) because he couldn't be bothered to get it right, and then I was a tad surprised that he didn't know the proper names because it's within my living memory so it's definitely within his. And then I laughed. I couldn't stop. I even woke up the one I live with because I was in hysterics.

so to sum up what we already knew anyway. Adam Rickett is a prize berk.

My beautiful boy graduated!

2006-02-03T16:10:00.000Z

I'm talking Sims 2 language you understand...

His name is Marcus and he was my first uni dude. He studied maths and passed with honours! Woo! The funniest thing was though right at the beginning one of his aspirations was to make it onto 'Dean's list' I spent aaaaggggeeesss looking for someone in his dorm called Dean. Stupid woman.

So after many semesters of blowing bubbles, making cool dinners and generally having a dudefester time of it, it's time to grow up properly. *sniff sniff*

Ugh. It's all going downhill

2006-01-31T19:58:00.000Z

When we moved to South Harrow, I thought it was ace. The best thing since sliced bread. (I could be exaggerating a tad) That was mainly because we have the coolest house ever though...and the biggest jungle/garden.

I know it's not the best place but it seemed friendly, and it wasn't as nasty as Wembley Central and it had a Sainsburys not an Asda (sorry but the fruit and veg are vile.) It also had the titchiest library ever (maybe) and some cool shops. It wasn't the bee's knees but it wasn't bad.

Within the last two months or so however some other shops have opened. One is a pawnbrokers. Hmm. What a good idea, instead of teaching people how to budget properly and live without things let's tell them it's a good idea to get rid of their valuables for a quick fix solution.

Now, there is a shop called 'Bargain Booze' Hmm, we can sure get some quality wine from there. I just am a bit fed up with people taking the piss out of our local area and saying its full of no hopers and is a dive. Firstly its NORTHOLT that is full of no hopers (the place at the end of our road) and secondly - you want a dive? Go to Hayes. grr.

I shall stop moaning. It's always better in the summer. When is that again? Oh yes in another 10 yrs....Oh yes, hello, I'm back.

beam me up scottie

2005-09-19T18:20:00.000+01:00

An impassioned commander with more respect for individuals than for authority, you have a no-holds-barred approach to life and its obstacles.
"I don't believe in the no-win scenario"

Oooh - so old?!!

2005-09-18T17:04:00.000+01:00

You Are 28 Years Old - How old are you?

You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences

The meaning of Gormless

2005-07-14T10:29:00.000+01:00

So last night I was watching Big Brother (as you do) and Eugene said that he had looked up the word gormless in the dictionary and there wasn't a meaning other than 'derived from the word gaum'. Well there's a challenge, so I got up and bonded with my dictionary and lo and behold it says:

'gormless - lacking of sense or initiative. Originating C18, from the word gaum'

so what kind of crap arsed dictionary was he reading?!!

Look who it is!!

2005-05-27T08:22:00.000+01:00

She came home :-)

Last night I came home from seeing Keith Barrett at the Beck and noticed that all our posters had gone. Three trees and our own fence were bare where they hadn't been earlier that day. Who would do that? It seems mean.

But we woke up this morning and she was fast asleep on our bed! Silly cat....

Where is Liquorice?

2005-05-26T09:26:00.000+01:00

We have lost one of our cats. This is very worrying because she's the one that never goes missing. What to do? :-(

I can smell Jesus!

2005-03-21T09:00:00.000Z

Well whaddya know? Now you can buy an incredibly expensive candle that smells just like Jesus (according to Psalm something-or-other) click on title to go straight to the official website....

Kind of makes me wish that I had read the Bible a bit more so I could have thought of itand cashed in myself.

Bugger.

ooh I won!

2005-03-15T13:24:00.000Z

well I've won my own competition for the longest brake - I do apologise oh readers, my boss was getting stuffy about my internet usage (what do you mean seven hours a day is too much?!) But I have internet at home now (woo!) so I can blog as much as I damn well please.

We have new curtains. It's very exciting. We have to now get poles. We also have lamp shades and new vases and a rug and a bean bag. I can't think of anything else but it's sooooo cool in this house now. The furniture is all ours too not like the other house where it was really minging and not ours.

Anyhoo. I'm off out now. Have to go to Argos to get me a watch. I need a watch for when you're in places where you can't have your mobile on. Like cinemas and such. Need to be knowing what the time is!

See you all VERY soon. (I promise)

All the streetlights..

2004-11-25T06:56:00.000Z

So this morning I was on the train at 5.41am going to work and all was peaceful. Everyone was tucked up in bed (well except the small amount of people already going to work) and the streetlights were shining brightly and it reminded me of a VERY cool picture of the Earth with all it's lights on and you can see the really highly populated areas and stuff. Dead cool. Oh and the pictures were taken in space. Nearly forgot to say that bit - and that would have been silly because that's what makes it incredibly cool.

In other news, I always thought Vic Reeves was the other one. I was wrong.

Oh yes, the link:

earthpicture

ooh look at me all blue.

2004-11-20T14:54:00.000Z

I don't know if I like it now.

ooh. There's a little corner of Wales in Argentina

2004-11-04T11:37:00.000Z

Basically when the Irish people came over to Wales (because they had problems with their potatoes) they took jobs for less money than the Welsh inhabitants and so forth so some Welsh people upped and left. Some went to America and some went to Patagonia in Argentina and they called their town Gaiman. It's still there and it's very cool....and you can drink Welsh tea.

I give up

2004-11-02T18:30:00.000Z

on trying to do paragraphs. My next speciality will be no punctuation. You don't mind do you?

What are the Anglicans doing now?

2004-11-02T18:15:00.000Z

The Anglican church is considering having a men only branch to placate people who are against women bishops and the like.

I'd like to know how this is a good idea exactly?

If you want to know a bit more you can click the link. I could rant but I think I'm a bit angry to make any sense.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/041102/325/f5s9a.html

Halloweeeeeennnnn!

2004-11-01T13:39:00.000Z

Oh what fun! We went to Flapjack & Moths for Halloween weekend and watched Most Haunted and listened to music videos and Moth carved the best pumpkin ever (lit by a flame resistant torch!) and we had trick or treaters which was fun and cute. Ooh and we ate chicken - mmm.

Then when we had to make our way home the trains were packed - like sardines - at 11.30pm on a Sunday evening. It was loud and weird but the coolest bit was so many people were dressed up and I have to say the coolest outfit was the girl that dressed up like a witch and had cool stripey tights and a homemade cape and hat and the makeup was glittery.

We got home to two very vocal cats who were rather pleased to see us I think and while we were doing things like feeding them and putting the washing on and making drinks we noticed lots of feathers. Everywhere. So although they weren't going to starve (they had the biggest bowl of dried food) they certainly must have had some variety! As long as I don't find any bones....

Oi! Stop sunbathing in the nuddy....

2004-08-04T04:00:00.000+01:00

This is NOT a deserted blog. I was on vacation....ish. I have not been at work. (Yay) as I was all dizzy....(boo) but I drank lots and ate much meat and green veg and I'm back on form....although I'm still not liking the hot weather...

We have started creating havoc in the garden!!! It's so much fun - *She* bought some shears and stuff and left a trail of chaos behind her. As did I when I got home from work, even though I protested that I was too tired but as soon as I started I couldn't stop (well, for about 15 minutes anyway) and so the devastation has increased! Now we need a big bag that can take all the rubbish....hmm.

We went ice skating on the weekend...twas fun. It was also nice and cool - I did the obligatory clinging to the side for a couple of laps (or 20) and then I was away...albeit slighlty wobbly. I forgot that your feet hurt after a while though and I was glad to take off my boots. We then watched while they got on that big machine to make the rink all smooth again and then some show offs got on to give us a bit of a performance which was inspiring and rather groovy. It would have been much groovier if the main couple hadn't looked so damn smug. The little girl was brilliant though and I wanted to take her home...

We also went swimming. We've found a wicked pool near us which has a slide!!!!! YAY!!!! Although the baby pool really is a baby pool and the big pool goes to 11.5 feets deep (I have no idea how to write that properly but I'll give it a go: 11"5" - that's wrong isn't it?!) which is very deep and if the stoopid lifeguards find out you can't swim a whole length then they make you get out, even though its quite clear that you have no intention of going any further than the 6 feets mark. Fascists. Actually miserable teenage workers who get a kick out of throwing people out because they can....

Shrek, prom dresses, the garden and er cruise ships...

2004-07-09T16:53:00.000+01:00

So Shrek was good. Actually it was groovy and cool and very very funny. Especially sleeping beauty. I correctly identified every voice in it but that wasn't incredibly hard seeing as I've scoured the internet for news of Shrek 2 ever since we knew there was going to be one. The cinema was packed but not as packed as it had been for Harry Potter. And we did need to get there an hour before the film started, so I was pleased with that too. I don't want to say anything else in case people haven't seen it.

So I have to go to a wedding. Boo hiss. I don't want to go much but I'm trying to get into the spirit of things by going shopping for a dress. The one I really really like is a kind of ballgown/prom dress which I don't think is a good idea for a wedding. Tis a shame. It's lovely. It's red and strapless and flouncy looking...in fact for those in the know it's the red dress Emma was wearing when she had her interview with Heat a couple of weeks ago...except she's wearing a shorter version as on her it goes to her knees and on mine it goes to my toes. I don't think I'm that short. The thing is I could be mistaken for a bridesmaid in it. I am miserable now thinking about the beautiful dress that I can't wear unless I want to upstage the bride. (Which I do, and frankly it won't be difficult but wearing that dress - it would be a little obvious as to what I'm up to.)

Our garden is a mess. It needs lots of fencing around it for a start, and it needs mowing and well, landscaping. The hedges and trees need to have a drastic haircut and I have no idea how much it will all cost. Also it appears we have an Andersen shelter at the back. Curious I know. But hey if ever there's a war then we're sorted. Although it's a little rusty. Come on everyone lets sing after three: 'yes we have no bananas'

I have a friend who is looking for a new job, she has found jobs on cruise ships. Now why isn't everyone working on one of these? As a beauty therapist she would earn $2200 (basic) per month. Accomodation and food is free, you get to see all these places that they go to when they dock. None of your earnings are taxable because you aren't working in the UK and you get six weeks off between cruises when you could go visiting all your friends and family. If I didn't have commitments then I'd do it. Although I'd have to become a beauty therapist or something first. Could you imagine? You could save thousands each month and be a millionaire. Well not quite but you'd have loads of money.

where can I hide it do you think?

2004-07-02T13:40:00.000+01:00

I want to get a treadmill. There's a folding one in Argos and I want it. Not that we have any room at home though. Poo. Ok maybe I could hide it at work - in the basement. No one would see it but we could all use it!!! Excellent. Problem. The basement is way too hot, and it has no lights that work at the moment. Also I'm scared of being down there. Ok lets think again. Where else could I hide it? Behind the lockers, in the fridge....this is getting a tad silly. Hm. Maybe I just won't get one. Bother. Or I could get an exercise bike and disguise it as a clothes horse/coat hanger type thing. No one would notice surely?!

Seeing Shrek 2 tonight. Cool! Dead excited. I shall write what I thought of it on Monday, but I reckon I'm going to laugh heartily. It might not even be that funny but I'm tired and when I'm tired I find everything funny. Ho hum.

Work is slow today. Mainly because I'm not doing any and therefore I keep looking at the clock. I keep writing sentences but they aren't making any sense so I've made myself a cup of tea and I will start again in a moment.

If Michelle leaves the house tonight I will be distraught. That isn't a pretty picture so lets not let that happen ok? Everyone vote Marco out.....or Nadia, I'm not fussy.

My friend the famous bloke...

2004-06-28T14:45:00.000+01:00

Exciting information: Otherwise known as gossip. My mate Johnny called me in a state of excitement today. He asked me how my weekend was etc and as soon as I asked him how his was he spoke at mega-fast-speed about how he had been to G.A.Y and was chatted up by one of the blokes in the boyband that was playing there. So he has a date with him, possibly this weekend! This is the same guy who has seen Marco in pubs around Uxbridge and -get this- discussed with his friends whether they thought he was gay or not. Hello? Is Marco gay? Um is the world round? Doh! But then Marco's friend entered the pub and they all saw him do his seal impression!!! At least we know he's being himself in that house...

FURNITURE!!!!!

2004-06-22T12:05:00.000+01:00

Yeehah!!! We have some furniture....It's sooo cool. We went to Ikea on Saturday and bought a book case and some CD shelves. But the best part was ....the table and chairs!!! We put them all together and now they have pride of place in our living room. It was fun, and you get a waft of proper wood sometimes when you walk into the living room. We even had dinner sitting at the table!!!

On to other news...we are still pumping the bed back up every night. It's a bit tedious but I'm getting so efficient at it that it only takes half the time! But I dream every night of the bed we will eventually have...it will be so worth waiting for. Not just any old bed. Oh no. No horrible divan with crappy head board and drawers for us. A proper wooden bed with space underneath. AAAh...

Lets see if I can stop talking about furniture for 2 minutes shall we?! Ok. Um. Well I went to a place called Egham yesterday for a staff away day. I came out of the station full of town snobbery, sniggering away at the unoriginal road names (school lane, station road, long road etc) and thanking everyone under the sun for letting me grow up in a proper place (Well near enough to London) Not a legoland place. Well. I walked for about 20 minutes to the Royal Holloway Uni (where we were having our day..) and stopped dead. What was this huge building? It was amazing. I wanted to have my camera with me but alas I did not. So I walked with more spring in my step to the main reception and asked for directions etc. Well it turns out we were in a very boring building within the grounds and NOT in the actual main building. Hmph. But the day went fairly well and I managed to escape before the AWFUL team building thing - Aerobics. I mean hello? Who had that idea? How is that team building? Whatever.

OOH the cat loo. I have to talk about our new cat loo. (bear with me) It's a covered thing with a little flappy door and when we showed the cats they looked at it. Then they both pawed at the little door and played with it for ages. Then Nutmeg ventured inside and sat down admiring it from every angle. Liquorice very patiently waited outside for her turn but got bored so she clambered in aswell. So they both sat there for some time looking at us looking at them and then they started playing with it all over agian and used it as a great vantage point from which to pounce on one another. So it's a success. It's also much tidier because you don't have to sweep the floor so often. We shall see if it's er...less smelly as well now.

Ok so that's it I think. I'm off....

Bloody neighbours....

2004-06-14T11:27:00.000+01:00

I am so pissed off with my neighbours next door. Last night (or should I say this morning) I heard hammering on the window. Slightly freaked out I went to investigate only to find that actually they were hammering on their own window not mine (phew) someone had locked them out of the house as a joke but it went on for an hour. So not funny anymore. They were very drunk, very loud and generally annoying. I know that other than us, another 3 neighbours complained – one even threatened to set their dog on them!!! So after many people saying shush in the politest form to well another form of shush, everyone was up. Not happy bunnies. So anyway we settled back down and tried to ignore the din coming from outside. About half an hour later we did hear a hammering on our window followed by lots of laughing and running away – they were playing truth or dare (these people weren’t teenagers or anything) and obviously the dare was to go into our garden and knock on the door. So we shouted at them to grow up and shut up and stuff. Their reply was ‘we are being quiet!!!!!’ I couldn’t believe they thought they were quiet – we could hear every single word!!! So anyway I am now very very tired and irritable and I’m going round there later to have a word. GRRRR I hate it when I can’t sleep…3am this morning I tell you….grrr…

On a happier note I saw two films this weekend. One was a film called loser which I thought was going to be a horrid film where people laugh at the ‘uncool’ guy but actually it’s quite good. The next…and more exciting…because I’ve been waiting since forever…..Harry Potter!!! Yay!!! It was much more impressive than the first two which was a relief because the third book is much darker and I wanted them to do it justice big time. And they did so huge hurrah!!

I found a teeny tiny baby bird

2004-06-10T19:28:00.000+01:00

And I have no idea what to do with it. I've been told to leave it alone but I had already put it in it's own comfy box because I thought you had to keep nestlings warm. So I left it where I had found it. I went back about 3 hours later and it was laying down which wasn't good news in my eyes so I put water on it's beak and it sat up after about 10 minutes!! So now I'm going to find out what else I can do...any ideas? And don't say build a coffin....

Happy Birthday to me....

2004-06-09T16:31:00.000+01:00

So at approximately 7.40pm tonight I will officially be 23. And I'll be at work. But this morning I had fun!!! I had sweets and crisps for breakfast and got to open pressies from Skeggles. I got two PS1 games and twister moves!! And I'm getting a bike...YAY!!!

2004-06-08T08:25:00.000+01:00

Why can't I do title's anymore? Am I totally crap at this or what.

2004-06-08T08:19:00.000+01:00

Like - ohmigod! So I was walking to the station on my way to work (from my new house!) and passed a video store called Apollo. In the window there was a poster advertising that they sell two big tubs of Haagen Dazs for £5. Nevermind the videos, I need ice cream.

I am sleepy. Inflatable beds are not exactly comfortable are they? Ugh. And I have to go clean the other flat tonight to make it all habitable for the next people. Double Ugh.

Wahoooo!!!! It's finally arrived...

2004-06-03T16:54:00.000+01:00

WE'RE MOVING!!!!!
YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I'm a little excited. We've been packed for like a month or twenty and I'm having very serious withdrawal symptoms from not having my playstation or dance mat....so Sunday is the big day when we break all the china and lose a couple of boxes off the back of the van....

In other news...the zoo was fun. I nearly got my face painted but the queue was too long and too full of children so I chickened out. The gorillas fascinated me yet again, the big cats were gorgeous, the bats were pretty damn cool but the best bit this time round were the meerkats. They're teeny tiny!!! I thought they'd be a decent size and all but they're no bigger than a 3 month kitten. I hope you know what that looks like really. Basically the one that was standing up looking at us all was about 9 inches. As I said teeny tiny and very very cute.

A very sad state of affairs...

2004-05-28T12:15:00.000+01:00

I was meant to be going to the zoo tomorrow. But I am tired and want a lie in.

Also I have missed all the hoo-haa on Corrie and don't want to miss the omnibus.

So I thought to myself 'Shall I call my friend and arrange to go on Sunday or shall I just tape Corrie?'

I rearragned...for the t.v.?? Am I insane??? Jurassic Park is on too...very good excuse to eat popcorn.